Moms & Friends with cars
We’re leaving for Barcelona today (sooo yaaay!!!). When we got the tickets I wanted to go visit a friend of mine who was pregnant.
I thought it was important for our friendship to be able to get to catch up before she had a baby attached to her boobs.
Well, spoiler alert, she gave birth on the exact same day I launched the blog – totally stealing my thunder. I’m kidding of course. Fortunately they are both healthy and super cute, and I am very excited to meet the little fellow who hurried to arrive into this world and looks just like his mother.
But me wanting to see her before she gave birth made me think about all of my girlfriends -who are not moms yet – and whom I miss. I was busy doing my thing, they were busy with their thing, so in this whole being busy madness, we kind of lost track of each other.
One thing I want to make clear, though – we didn’t lose track because I was too self absorbed by my mom-life, or because they were “jealous” of my new uploads on Facebook.
NOT all of us want to populate the planet (and people shouldn’t expect that from other people), and moms can have other things to talk about, besides their kids (I know that coming from me, this is a bit hilarious).
But seriously, when I go out with my friends, I’m already momed-out. So I don’t feel like talking about mom stuff or showing pictures, unless it comes up, of course (I secretly always feel like showing pictures).
But I always make sure I don’t talk too much about how tired I am or how meaningless my life was before having the boys. Most of them have known me way before I became a mom – back when I thought low waist jeans were cool – so it’s important for our friendship to pick up where we left off.
Besides, what is the point in going out if I can’t laugh at some awkward one-night stand a friend of mine had?!?!….
What I wanted to say – and I’m working out my guts to just say it already – is this: moms can be a bit much sometimes – even for me, and I’m a mom also. It’s understandable, in a way. Once you become a mother and basically forced into adulthood you lose some of the…looseness. And this lack of looseness is what leads to a communication gap, I think.
Open really loooong parenthesis: I’m struggling with finding a politically correct term to use to refer to my friends who are not parents yet. I think the best one so far would be “child-free” and even this one is not really accurate.
By the way, did you know the antonym listed for mother is… wait for it… father? I’m not going to get started about how fucked up that is, I’ll write a ten pages post about it – and bore you to death with it -some another time.
But for now I want to make this analogy: let’s say I’m dividing women into those who own a car, and those who don’t. Owning a car clearly influences your life, but it doesn’t make you a different person. For the sake of the argument, let’s refer to women who don’t own a car as moms. Why you ask? Because it takes us longer to get places, we don’t really go out that much, and when we do we really need a drink (no car means you won’t end up being the designated driver). You see where I’m going with this, so to make it short, I’m going to refer to my friends who don’t have kids yet as “women with cars” or “friends with cars“. Phiew! Close really loooong parenthesis
To resume, it can get weird between moms and… women with cars. It’s difficult for moms to accept any type of feedback or advice and it’s not easy for women with cars to have to listen to potty training methods.
It’s unfair if one of our friends with cars complains about some guy on Tinder not returning her texts, or about a fight she had with her boyfriend over fabric softener and we, moms, don’t take their problems seriously.
It’s true what they say – with great kids come great responsibilities – and maybe that’s why we tend to think we have more serious issues to deal with… but everyone’s problems are subject to their own reality.
I think we should respect that and not judge one another. We should rather try to remember why we became friends in the first place, and exploit that connection.
I mean, yes, moms want to share the happiness and joy that a kid brings into their lives. And yes, their friends with cars cast the wildly successful jobs, doing their own thing and enjoying the “not having to worry about anything and anyone but themselves” stage of their life.
And all that is fine. Because when it comes to great friendships, the cornerstone doesn’t change.
Off to Barcelona with us now, so I can talk with my new-mom-old-friend non-mom issues. Yeaaah, we all know that’s not going to happen.